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Love like never been hurt; dance like nobody is watching.
肖肖wrote:
Everything is on the way, take care of yourself:)
Mar. 13
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风生水起Love like never been hurt. Dance like nobody is watching. June 22 喂猫的女孩
每天上班的路上,急急忙忙冲向地铁站的时候,都会在一座人造小桥下面看到一个喂猫的女孩。女孩子一幅学生的打扮,不加修饰的脸,微微有些发胖的样子,总是皱着眉。每天她都很准时,带些鱼肠之类的小食来喂猫,还常常看见她变换着花样带些逗猫的工具,作为小猫们早餐后的消遣。老实讲,女孩并不漂亮,可是每当我看到她在清早的阳光里辛苦地蹲在地上专注的给猫喂食的神情,都觉得有种特别的美。 于是当我挤上地铁,在沙丁鱼罐头一样的车厢里给自己找到一个安身之处以后,总是免不了浮想联翩。我觉得,那两只猫也许是街头游荡已久的流浪猫,偶尔被她发现,结成了今世的缘分,所以每日得以安享女孩的照顾吧。于是脑海中情不自禁的勾画了若干大雨中女孩和猫相遇的情景,绝望但却依然骄傲冷漠的眼神,让女孩心生柔情…到了人民广场,经历一番生死考验挤上换乘的地铁,大脑又开始不安分。也许那两只猫本就是女孩从小养大的宠物,可是因为它们偶然犯下的大错,被女孩的妈妈勒令驱逐出家门。女孩不忍舍弃,于是给它们安排了寄宿的地方,每天早上赶来相见…转念间,又觉得有很多不合情理之处,于是努力加入更多的人物和情节,常常是一抬头,已经到了陆家嘴。 如果上班准时的话,每天都会看到她,就仿佛我们之间也有一个约定一样。无数次,当我从她身边匆匆走过的时候,都极想停下来打个招呼,问问她故事的缘由,加入到喂猫的行列。可是始终不敢。如果哪天出门迟了,没有见到她,只看到两只猫在附近徘徊,心里也会跟着变得落寞。 我笑自己是个无聊的人,总是关注这些无关紧要的小事情。可是看到这个世上还有这些单纯的风雨无阻的约定,总是会让人的心里流淌着像水一样的温柔。 May 23 回国记 这一篇叫回国记,讲的是Kathy小同学历尽千辛万苦回归祖国怀抱前前后后的故事 经过了一个明显不上进的期末,所幸教授们看在我期中考得不错的份儿上都很nice,让我保持了漂亮的成绩单,偷偷的乐了很久...然而好成绩并没有什么实际用处,那些辛苦日夜背后的点滴收获才是最重要的吧.临行前夜才仓促收拾行装,把回国搞得像出逃。错过了好多好多事情,就差那么一点点,sorry, Carly... 飞机上从香港到北京吐了一路,20多个小时的飞行是我人生最大的噩梦...在京港两地都被严肃而认真的测了体温,我自知属于危险人群,听话的做小白兔。深夜,重回五道口,有种奇妙的感觉,仿佛这一年的记忆全部在异度空间,而我,从来不曾离开。 清晨只睡了两三个小时,不乖乖倒时差的下场就是第二天下午的面试晕得一塌糊涂。本来没有很难的问题,无非就是个人背景、company valuation和宏观经济形势分析,思维却明显比三位面官慢了不止一拍,枉费了jiayu和fuyu那么热心的耳提面命。可是竟然有种如释重负的感觉,于是很生自己的气。后来,在很多次的争吵和长谈之间,终于渐渐释然。我想,我正在重新构筑我内心的平衡,也许在纽约的心浮气躁中难以实现,在老北京四合院幽幽的书香里却自然而然。 昨晚,当飞机在上海降落的那一刻,心里忽然有了新的企盼。两年之后,重回上海,我不再是那个贪玩又担忧未来的小孩,而是一个对未来充满了信心和热望的探索者。我是在探寻我人生道路的一种可能,踏踏实实、认认真真的去生活,会有更真实的收获。 我对自己说,要勇敢 May 02 我理想的工作就是不需要编程的工作 也许是是大一时被C折磨得太惨,想起coding,总是一副苦大仇深的哀怨表情.可是偏偏总是有人拿这个鄙视我 今天的第一个面试,面官是超级nice的帅哥.所以我才能在他从bond,option,interest rate swap,CDO,CDS...一路问下来之后还能满脸甜美笑容的望着他.可是当他问到"你会几种编程语言"的时候,终于忍不了了,从此开始海阔天空的神聊.临别的时候,我问他对我的impression,他还是那么眩目的笑,说: I really like your personality. But...you know...we also need a more technical person for this position...我就觉着吧,自己的FE课程都白上了. 第二个,勉为其难算是面试.在睡梦中被电话吵醒,晕晕乎乎的状态里,说了许多特把对方当自己人的话.可是竟然又问:Have you got any optimization project experience with C++?我不敢撒谎,只用过AMPL.隔着沉默似乎能见到电话那端鄙夷的神情.于是又说,如果工作需要我会很快掌握云云.可是心里面暗自愤恨:如果雇我去编程,本姑娘就立马不干了!于是我又觉着,自己OR的课也都白上了! 昨晚,在被Violet教育之后,很是用心想了想.一方面觉得,自己本不该挑剔.需要用的技能,马上去学就好,才是积极的状态.然而总是不甘心,想要找到自己真正适合又喜欢的工作.不知道自己到底是在坚持自我还是在消极的放弃机会.尤其当我在临晨两点狠命往脑袋里塞Black Scholes和volatility smile的时候,剩下的脑细胞就在很诚恳的问自己,你真的喜欢吗? 来纽约以前,我以为自己将来会投身NGO或是一个激动人心的新产业.来纽约以后,我以为世界上只有投行和咨询这两种工作.我一直在问,大家都去追求的就一定是好的是适合自己的吗?可是偏偏不忍放手,仿佛是想要证明什么.岂不知这种证明早已不小心泄露了不自信的底气. 我说过的那么多想要对社会make a difference的话,都悄悄的收起来,不敢再提,开始打算用大家衡量优秀的方式来包装自己.可是,就再没有热血沸腾过了,再没有斗志昂扬过了.没有欣喜,却也没有痛楚.幸福有很多状态,不知道茫然算不算其中一种. Follow your heart这句话,说的多好啊,只是没有告诉你,你要随心而动,可是心又在哪里呢? April 12 岁岁今朝 要不是因为那些温暖的祝福,我几乎要忘记今天的生日 于是在初夜时分再次点起明亮的灯,放上舒缓悠扬的曲子,轻轻翻阅久远的心事.想起曾经一起在育才园星空下做过的那些梦,想起这个季节清华园四处飘逸的玉兰花香,想起说过的那么多天真但诚恳的约定,想起一同走过分分合合吵吵闹闹的过往,忽然都让我觉得刻骨铭心的想念.好多人,好多事,还没来得及说在乎,就已经风流云散.追逐的热望成为忘却的借口,却终于在某一刻再认不出自己来,辨不出来路归途. 当Spring in my heart的旋律在房间里回荡,忽然开始静静的流泪,不知道为了谁,为了什么.只是觉得苦苦的求索,却不知到底要成为怎样的自己.冰冷的,温暖的,单调的,华丽的,苍白的,鲜艳的,都在眼前交织,仿佛小时候被谁弄坏了的万花筒,赔给我赔给我原来的世界... 好多次,我躲在被子里,心里面盼望传说中那位有着长长白色胡须的智慧老人可以向我显现.At this time of my life,我需要的是智慧而不是知识.我需要光.可是他从来都没有出现过.原来,当我还是个小孩子的时候,他们对我说的都是骗人的. 我想要微风拂过树林,我想要天宇的那颗永恒之星,我想要雨暴风狂的颠覆,晨曦初现之时,天空和大地都将清澈而干净 然而,那又都不是我想要的.我所追求的精彩,虚幻的像水中的明月.我伸出手的时候,它就在我的掌心,碎了 明年的今日,让我再回来,看看有多少可以坚持,多少可以改变,多少才能成长 April 04 一直很爱的一首歌 最初的梦想 范玮琪 如果骄傲没被现实大海冷冷拍下 又怎会懂得要多努力才走得到远方 如果梦想不曾坠落悬崖 千钧一发 又怎会晓得执着的人拥有隐形翅牓 把眼泪装在心上 会开出勇敢的花 可以在疲惫的时光 闭上眼睛闻到一种芬芳 就像好好睡了一夜直到天亮 又能边走着边哼着歌 用轻快的步伐 沮丧时总会明显感到孤独的重量 多渴望懂得的人给些温暖借个肩膀 很高兴一路上我们的默契那么长 穿过风 又绕个弯 心还连着 像往常一样 最初的梦想 紧握在手上 最想要去的地方 怎么能在半路就返航 最初的梦想 绝对会到达 实现了真的渴望 才能够算到过了天堂 February 26 二月小结 晚上和Violet步行去broadway上一家韩国小店吃饭。聊得好开心,是那种老朋友久别重逢的默契。我盯着她晃来晃去的大大的耳环发呆,在心里暗暗宣告:整整一个月的自闭期officially的结束了! 因为做了两份CA工作的缘故,日子过的有点小辛苦,可是总不致哀怨,因为省钱总是比赚钱更辛苦的~唯一头疼的是孤单,即便堆积起长长的to do list,也总要挤出些时间孤单,譬如早上起床对着镜子做出诡异表情的时候,譬如恰好把菜烧得很好吃想被人称赞的时候。HN说,这是一个让我们多多读书,多多反思的时机。我在想,穷则独善其身大概就是这个意思吧 我的小世界里本来天下太平,烦躁大半是因为无所依傍的惶恐 往昔的那么多情人节,惆怅因为没有相爱的人。这一次,相爱却不能相守,人生为什么总是这么纠结 好久没写东西,因为总是觉得别人的生活比自己的精彩,只想静静看着,鼓掌或是转身离开 很多次很多次,想要感慨的时候,才发现,自己还是太嫩,没什么好说的 二月份,还是瑟瑟冷风,让我很依赖外套的温暖。然而下个月,就会是桃红柳绿的和煦春光了吧 January 04 走累了回家 深夜的纽约皇后区,沉沉的夜风,微醺得有些发晕的脑袋,醉得不多不少,恰到好处。 期末以来,耽搁了好多计划了要记录的事情:艰苦卓绝的期末考试,神形各异却都妙趣横生的教授们,考试结束后匆匆忙忙的告别,转身飞赴St. Louis.在auntie Xiaorui温暖的大房子里度过的圣诞节、新年,关于基督教文化的讨论和教益,在山野树林间的欢欣。 今早告别了St. Louis,在芝加哥转机,晚上的时候回到纽约。拖着大大小小的行李,行走于陌生的街区,结识新的朋友。明天在13个小时的飞行后,会终于见到我朝思暮想的北京。 非凡的2008年过去了,世界和个人都发生了太多太多事情,Kathy也有了太多太多的改变。但是最重要的,是在这一年里找到了可以相爱终生的人。纵使海天相隔,也都有了坚守的信念和理由。 走得有些累了,我要回家了~纽约,等着我很快回来:) December 04 纽约新生活每天早上醒来的时候,睁开眼睛,总要怀疑一下自己身在何处 谁的地板,谁的床单,谁家的天花板 空气里隐隐约约有冬天的味道在飘散 Thanksgiving, 随Jon去Worcester过了平生最温暖的感恩节。热闹的喧嚣,一见如故的陌生人,钢琴边让人沉醉的歌声. Black Friday shopping到清晨的疯狂,教会的感恩见证分享之夜,细致体贴的关怀,就好像我们已经认识了几生几世。两天的时间,我在美国有了新的家人。那是爸爸的怀抱才会给我的安慰,那是下班开车回家的路上常常打电话给我的牵挂,那是随时向我敞开的胸口和家门,让我找回失散了很久的温暖。深夜,在local highway上擦身而过的时候,一时失神,好想就此永远给自己自由,又爱又恨曼哈顿的繁华盛世。 回到纽约,冒着大雨搬出了公寓。湿淋淋的箱子,20个街区的冰冷夜雨,把很多美好想像凝固在萌发以前。占据了HN小小卧室的唯一一块地板,尽量早出晚归。然后开始疯狂的补作业,以图书馆为家,效率高得不像我自己。两天后又被Karen收留。搬家。熬夜写程序。希望这个周末可以最终搬进新的公寓,结束我在final期间无家可归的悲壮经历。 才知道原来生存是很简单的事情,远不像生活那么复杂 也知道原来自己心里面渴望安定,也渴望像风一样来去匆忙 更重要的是,学会了依靠自己,变得更勇敢 明白了倔强也是一种力量 明白了所谓经历,就是在生命里写下故事,然后微笑回想 November 17 奥巴马胜选演说·文言版(ZZ)(ZZ from zizi姐) 〈奥巴马胜选演说·文言版〉 Hello,Chicago! If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a
place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of
our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our
democracy, tonight is your answer. It’s the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and
churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited
three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives,
because they believed that this time must be different, that their
voices could be that difference. It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat
and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay,
straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to
the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a
collection of red states and blue states. We are, and always will be,
the United States of America. It’s the answer that led those who’ve been told for so long by
so many to be cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can
achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more
toward the hope of a better day. It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we
did on this date in this election at this defining moment change has
come to America. A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Sen. McCain. I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned
from his heart, and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the
streets of Scranton and rode with on the train home to Delaware, the
vice president-elect of the United States, Joe Biden. And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding
support of my best friend for the last 16 years the rock of our family,
the love of my life, the nation’s next first lady Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia I love you both more than you can imagine. And
you have earned the new puppy that’s coming with us to the new White
House. And while she’s no longer with us, I know my grandmother’s
watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them
tonight. I know that my debt to them is beyond measure. To my sister Maya, my sister Alma, all my other brothers and
sisters, thank you so much for all the support that you’ve given me. I
am grateful to them. And to my campaign manager, David Plouffe, the unsung hero of
this campaign, who built the best — the best political campaign, I
think, in the history of the United States of America.To my chief
strategist David Axelrod who’s been a partner with me every step of the
way.To the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics
you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you’ve
sacrificed to get it done. But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to. It belongs to you. It belongs to you. I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn’t
start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not
hatched in the halls of Washington. It began in the backyards of Des
Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of
Charleston. It was built by working men and women who dug into what
little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of
their generation’s apathy who left their homes and their families for
jobs that offered little pay and less sleep. This is your victory. And I know you didn’t do this just to win an election. And I
know you didn’t do it for me.You did it because you understand the
enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight,
we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our
lifetime — two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a
century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans
waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to
risk their lives for us.There are mothers and fathers who will lie
awake after the children fall asleep and wonder how they’ll make the
mortgage or pay their doctors’ bills or save enough for their child’s
college education. There’s new energy to harness, new jobs to be
created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair. The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not
get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never
been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise
you, we as a people will get there. There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who
won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we
know the government can’t solve every problem. But I will always be
honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you,
especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in
the work of remaking this nation, the only way it’s been done in
America for 221 years — block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand
by calloused hand. What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on
this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is
only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if
we go back to the way things were. It can’t happen without you, without
a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice. So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility,
where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after
not only ourselves but each other. Let us remember that, if this
financial crisis taught us anything, it’s that we cannot have a
thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers. In this country, we
rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let’s resist the temptation to fall back on the same
partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our
politics for so long. Let’s remember that it was a man from this state
who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White
House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual
liberty and national unity.Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight,
we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the
divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation
far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though
passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may
not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your
help. And I will be your president, too. And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from
parliaments and palaces, to those who are huddled around radios in the
forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our
destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those — to those who would tear the world down: We will
defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And
to all those who have wondered if America’s beacon still burns as
bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our
nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth,
but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty,
opportunity and unyielding hope. That’s the true genius of America: that America can change. Our
union can be perfected. What we’ve already achieved gives us hope for
what we can and must achieve tomorrow. This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told
for generations. But one that’s on my mind tonight’s about a woman who
cast her ballot in Atlanta. She’s a lot like the millions of others who
stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one
thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old. She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there
were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her
couldn’t vote for two reasons — because she was a woman and because of
the color of her skin. And tonight, I think about all that she’s seen throughout her
century in America — the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the
progress; the times we were told that we can’t, and the people who
pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can. At a time when women’s voices were silenced and their hopes
dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for
the ballot. Yes we can. When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across
the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new
jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can. When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the
world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a
democracy was saved. Yes we can. She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in
Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a
people that “We Shall Overcome.” Yes we can. A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a
world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year,
in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her
vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and
the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can. America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is
so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves — if our children
should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky
to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What
progress will we have made? This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This
is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of
opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause
of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental
truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope.
And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us
that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up
the spirit of a people: Yes, we can. Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America. November 05 我的Boston假日 在相册里留言的朋友们,Kathy小同学在这里谢过了... 好像很久没写日志了,整个儿十月份就让它这样不留痕迹的溜走了。冠冕堂皇的借口有很多,譬如作业啦,考试啦,突如其来的面试啦~其实心里面清楚的很,是没有办法聚集起那么多力气来写下真诚的文字。 于是决定给自己放个假。我本不是家养的动物,钢筋水泥的都市空间盛不下我的激情和梦想。 秋天的Boston有耀眼的天空和树林。那种清澈的蓝让人的心一下子澄明的如同水晶,折射出天空七彩的光芒。耳边是周杰伦不厌其烦的吟唱,车窗外是原野、公路、树林和海湾。仿佛只要一出了纽约城,就变得天宽地阔,万物复苏,人也变得神清气爽。因为W同学和自己的GPS没搞好关系的缘故,我们在Boston无数次迷路。可我却很是享受每次迷路时在陌生的城市兜兜转转的经历。因为未来不可知,所以更值得期待,更有惊喜。可惜去的路上因为大家聊得太high,以至于超速被警察罚了400刀... 最怀念波城的龙虾、螃蟹和火锅,最喜欢夕阳下的Charles River和Harvard校园里的建筑及落叶。奔驰在公路上的某一刻,好想就这样永远行驶下去,永不停留,很有点浪迹天涯的味道。痴想着琴箫合璧,笑傲江湖,该是一种怎样志得意满的人生幸福呢 我以为,罗马假日那样的奇遇才算是假日的经典。然而这样一个轻松悠闲的假期,这些热情仗义的朋友,使得时光的脚步有了很多值得铭记的理由。假日归来,连身上的尘土也都有了阳光的味道 入夜,当我们驶过East river,遥望见灯火璀璨的Manhattan的时候,莫名的竟有种回家的感觉.原来我对纽约的依恋,是暗暗的写在心底的:) PS.今夜的NYC在举城欢呼,希望这个幸运的家伙可以带领美国走向更繁荣的未来~ |
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